In a previous blog, I wrote about communities I have been part of where I had no choice about the community, but became part of smaller communities that developed out of the larger ones. In this blog, I want to talk about communities that we choose to be part of.
As I said in previous blogs, I believe that communities give our lives meaning and a sense of belonging. I think they also provide a support network for us as we deal with life’s ups and downs. And, people develop communities our of shared interests.
I think of two communities my parents belonged to because of their choosing. The first consisted of couple other families of French Canadian descent. (My father was born in Canada as were my mother’s parents.) I remember that, when I was a child, my parents would visit regularly with these other families. We also shared holiday meals with one or other of the families. Both families had sons who were the same age as I was. After my parents retired, they moved back to the town in Connecticut where my mother grew up and where some of her siblings still lived. My parents joined the local senior center and for many years attended the Senior Center five days a week and participated in activities, got their lunch there and attended trips organized by the Center. The Senior Center and the friends they made there were a big part of their lives.
My wife, Pat, has written a number of children’s books. For many years, she belonged to a writers’ group based in Bucks County, PA. The group met monthly and she became friends with the members. A smaller group evolved out of the larger group and also met monthly on a different day. Although the groups met to review each others’ writing efforts, they seemed to develop friendships that were based on more than just the writing. The larger group would go out to lunch after their monthly meeting. Even after a number of them stopped writing books, they have continued to get together periodically for lunch. During the pandemic, the smaller group continued spending time with one another over Zoom. Members of both groups continue to keep in contact with and support each other through emails.
As for me, I have belonged to a number of groups/communities of my choosing, including our local Habitat for Humanity affiliate, our town’s Democratic Committee and a couple peace groups located in the Lehigh Valley. I have been involved with the Habitat for Humanity for more than 15 years. I enjoy working with the people involved in actually building the houses and my time with them provides me with really the only group I am physically with on a regular basis at this time. For a number of years, I was involved actively with Catholics for Peace and Lepoco (a peace group started during the Vietnam War and still going strong). For the last few years, I have been involved with the local Democratic Committee. I ran for Town Council five years ago and have been involved campaigning for Democratic candidates for various offices. Each of these gave me a sense of belonging to a group that shared my interests and provided support in my efforts to achieve different goals.
Sometimes we get involved in communities that seem to have a special character or have more significant impact on our lives than most other groups or communities. I can think of two communities in my life for which this was true. When I was 31 years old, I started working at a public residential facility for people with developmental disabilities. The State of New Jersey had just started to participate in a Medicaid program that provided funding to improve services to these individuals. One of the requirements was that interdisciplinary teams had to meet to develop Individual Habilitation Plans (IHPs) for each resident. I was part of a department that would be the leaders of these interdisciplinary teams. Initially there were 9 of us in the department and we were charged with developing procedures and processes for developing these IHPs and monitoring the their implementation. It was a very intense time, we all had desks in a 3 room office suite, met daily to work out the details and even discussed issues during lunch. I believe these things helped forge a strong bond among those involved. The office gradually grew larger but the bonds seem to hold. We would go out for lunch regularly as a group. We celebrated birthdays each month. We had after-work get-togethers for a yearly picnic and other activities such as bowling.
An even more special community for me involved my time at a private residential facility in southern NJ. Again, it was a residential facility for people with developmental disabilities. But the experience did not involve an intense process developing a new program. Rather, it was an immersion into an existing program. The facility had a residential program and a school program for the younger residents and some others who were day students. I worked in the residential program as a houseparent for a group of 8 teenage boys. Many of the residential staff lived on the campus, either in the dorms with the residents or in a couple of staff buildings on the grounds. As houseparents, we ate our meals with our group of residents in a central dining hall. But, we were also able to eat our meals there on our days off, if we chose. During the summer, we took all the residents to a camp in mid-coast Maine. The facility provided housing for all staff who came to the camp. Some staff lived in the cottages with the residents; some lived in staff housing provided on or off the camp grounds; and some chose to rent a place on their own. The camp situation, away from our usual homes and friends, probably forced even more interaction among the staff. I worked at the facility for 8 years and made a number of friends.
Some of those friends have remained friends even 50 plus years later. Because of our connection to mid-coast Maine, for many years as our sons were growing up, we spent a week in Maine each summer with friends from New Jersey, who had sons around the same age as ours. While in Maine we would get together with two other couples who lived in Maine and had kids around the same age as our boys. All of us had a connection back to the school and the summer camp. We continue to go to Maine and get together with these friends that we made so long ago. We have also traveled with some of them. Over the last couple years we have had Zoom get-togethers with some of them. Although we don’t get together physically very often, I feel a deep connection to this group of friends and consider myself closer to them than to others that I see in person more regularly.
The communities we choose to associate with provide us with a strong sense of belonging and an important support network that celebrates with us in the best of times and holds us together in the worst. Some are short-term and some are long-term; but they all play an important role in our lives.
